this applies not only sa lovelife but to all aspects of "life"..

Hmmn.. as far as i know, sa mga beauty pageant lang uso those types of questions... if you were given a chance.. blah.. blah.. blah.. but know what, we tried it, tho were not aspiring beauty queens- pero pwede na rin! LOL- it made sense, far more than I expected..

I was asked, actually we, of those 'silly' questions and who said thinking of a good response is easy, mejo nabulabog din mga brain cells ko, mas gusto ko sana makinig at mang asar lang but no, those 'silly' questions would make you realize things na you haven't thought about or you have taken for granted, sad, but true..

It made me think of the what I did, things that are currently happening and what i really want in life.. this my sound silly, I don't even know if I'm making any sense at all, especially to those people who thought they 'knew' me, but hey! it's still me, this is just a part of me that i'm trying to share with you, u just don't know how HARD i tried! but I DID! LOL!

At first, i didn't take those questions seriously, but when I started to think of what i wanna say, imagine! i was speechless for more than a minute! that's something new to me, ako na ayaw tumigil sa pagdaldal! tsk!

Then it hit me.. those were the things that I avoid to even think of, because that's 'me' that I want to keep for myself alone, i know that only few people would understand, and some would even find it amusing, coming from me.. and that would definitely hurt.

Those 'hypothetical' questions kept me thinking.. and someone's still waiting for a response.. still.

didn't know how to react.. i know it would even sound pathetic pero i just heared that he has finally moved on.. that i'm glad to hear but i don't know why i still feel sad.. there's something i can't give a name unto.. i somewhat feel sad and glad at the same time... i could cry..

a friend told me that i shouldn't be sad, that i should learn to let go.. i know she has a point, but i don't know why, i still feel so low, its been too long anyway, he had just been an old familiar name on my address book but.. i don't know but it really feels weird..

"Kiss From A Rose"

There used to be a greying tower alone on the sea.
You became the light on the dark side of me.
Love remained a drug that's the high and not the pill.
But did you know, that when it snows,
My eyes become large and
The light that you shine can be seen.. Baby,
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grave.. Ooh,
The more I get of you, Stranger it feels, yeah.
And now that your rose is in bloom.
A light hits the gloom on the grave.
There is so much a man can tell you,
So much he can say.
You remain, My power, my pleasure, my pain, baby
To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny.
Won't you tell me is that healthy, baby?
But did you know, That when it snows,
My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen.
Baby, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grave.
Ooh, the more I get of you Stranger it feels, yeah
Now that your rose is in bloom.
A light hits the gloom on the grave,
I've been kissed by a rose on the grave,
I've been kissed by a rose
I've been kissed by a rose on the grave,
...And if I should fall along the way
I've been kissed by a rose
...been kissed by a rose on the grave.
There is so much a man can tell you,
So much he can say.
You remain
My power, my pleasure, my pain.
To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny, yeah
Won't you tell me is that healthy, baby.
But did you know, That when it snows,
My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen.
Baby, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grave.
Ooh, the more I get of you Stranger it feels, yeah
Now that your rose is in bloom,
A light hits the gloom on the grave.
Yes I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grave
Ooh, the more I get of you Stranger it feels, yeah
And now that your rose is in bloom
A light hits the gloom on the grave
Now that your rose is in bloom,
A light hits the gloom on the grave.

this song's isn't really for me, but there's something about it that bugs me.. i can't even tell what is it, but i feel sad whenever i hear this song.. can someone tell me why..

but..
it may sound pathetic pa nga that i included his photo in my pc's screen saver just to see his face everyday, pero i keep on telling myself na wala lang yun, that even if its all over between us, i'm okay and i don't mind..

but last nite was different.. i had a dream.. and it seems so real, parang line ng song, pero thats what i felt..
maybe that's because at the back of my mind i do miss the guy.. in my dream last nite, he was at our house, he told me everything i wanted to hear, but the blooper was i slept on him, yung parang sa sobrang pagod sa work, i forgot that he's there to spend time with me but i ignored him, i had that feeling na something was lost and still missing, then on my dream, i was suddenly awaken for no reason at all, i remembered that he was with me and it felt bad kaya i rushed to the den where i thought i could find him, and i did... almost asleep, i run to him and i almost cried, i had the urge to hug him tight and just hold him close to me..

then the dream ended, but the feelings and emotions i felt during that short period during my sleep was left within me.. i was awaken by that strong emotion, just like a line from a song "i reached out beside me hoping he'll be there", but all i could feel was an empty space...

it feels bad and it almost made me cry..

"weirdo".. madaling mapikon pero nkasmile na din after awhile, makulit pero ayaw ng kinukulit, mainitin ulo pero madaling kausap, ayaw mag explain pero madaldal! aw!!!

my everyday routine is tyring but i got to enjoy it, especially when im in 'action'! LOL! it might not made any sense pero that's just it!

why do u have to miss someone, when its not supposed to be that way.. why do you have to think of that person more often than you expect.. why do you feel more than happy just seeing him smile though that smile is not for you.. why things have to be complicated when all you wanted to be happy.. why does that someone make your day complete with a chaste touch, with a teasing smile, with a wink.. why am i asking such questions when im not certain on where can i find the answers..

i need answers...

this is what i've been practicing sna na sabihin sa kanya ei! after all! shit tlga!
puro angst nlng nararamdaman ko sa kanya, and i hate the feeling! so move on to the next level..

i met a guy! LOL! *makiri! LOL!
his nice but being the maarte that i am, hmmnn.. basta! his nice, di nga lng masyadong sweet..
i met him at the office, he's fun to be with and the big thing is that he told me he likes me.. but the sad part though, is that he has a girlfriend..

oh well.. i could let that pass, im not in a hurry nwei..

i got to share something..

there's this guy that i like but.. hmmmn.. that's just it!
hanggang dun nlng un, coz his already taken!
i dont wanna be his excess baggage! =P
but his so cute kse and so sweet pa, i can't help but fall! LOL!

i haven't told 'dodong' that i love him, he's gone now.. my chance has flown away...

badong.. sorry for walking out on you.. i was kinda confused that time, i have a lot of things in mind, and yosi is my escape, i was enjoying my moment and u spoiled it, or is it I?? it was only later on that i thouhgt that u just cared.. im really sorry.. i don't know how i can make it up to you.. i miss you already..

i miss the way you say 'bate na tayo, huh'! u just don't realize how cute u are!! hehe hope you'll talk to me again, and soon.. kaw may kasalanan ng signature ko everyday, galit ka kase, distracted tuloy ako.. i miss you.. bad ko talaga.. hay.. sorry po..

i didn't thought that it would end this way, we even had a nice conversation last time.. last time.

i don't want to sound so bitter about it, its just that its the only thing that mattered to me for quite sometime, my fault.. i expected so much from it.

and its all over now so...

...i got to get move on with my life, its time to be a big girl now.. and big girls don't cry.